It's said, and I've heard, that the first words the historical Buddha Gautama said after his 'awakening,' were, "Every being throughout the universe carries the seed of awakening." Try reading this word - it's called Tatagathagharba - the seed of suchness. So, it makes total sense that you feel far from being an awakened one, just like a drop of water outside a waterfall might feel, all alone and exiled away from the electromagnetic field of the 'whole,' all the water... not just drops. You, as that water drop, will fall in and out of the waterfall as you descend. But regardless of the trip down the cliff, you will inevitably return to the water, and forget the walls that barred you from it very soon after. Peace is now, odd as it seems, and as much as I forget that, myself. But, it's all I've found to be true. :) -Champa Chöga (in tribute to Suzuki Roshi)